Considerations for Zombie Quarantine Managers

zombie quarantine posterDespite the many apocalyptic presumptions made regarding zombifying infection of the human species, there are worthwhile approaches for isolating and managing zombie individuals that should be considered for specific jurisdictions and communities. Agencies including the CDC and WHO have already implemented zombie response protocols and are on the lookout for outbreaks when containment is still an option. Quarantining zombie individuals can serve to protect uninfected people and provide an opportunity for future treatment should one be discovered. Further considerations include the following:

Plexiglass walls—Cells with bars increase the health risk to infected and uninfected alike, in that well humans may get scratched as zombie individuals reach through, and infected people may unintentionally break bones on the metal or between bars. Plexiglass of durable thickness allows quarantine managers the opportunity to see into each cell and reduce all but blunt-force injury, should a zombie individual begin banging her or himself against the walls or floor.

Aerated sedatives—Most sedative medications can be passed by the HVAC system of the quarantine facility cellblock to subdue the otherwise quite active zombie individual, which also lowers the likelihood of self-injury. As quarantine managers are already required to wear gas masks, this corruption of the HVAC system is an acceptable risk, given the significant benefit to management control. NOTE: Zombie brains are notorious for adapting to chemical stimulation, so the sedative in use should be changed on a daily basis.

Drop traps along the perimeter—Pentagon officials learned to install vehicle immobilizers along the parking lot that surrounds their building in Arlington, Virginia, in the days after September 11, 2001, and the trench blueprints are available from the ZDA Web site using your manager’s password and quarantine facility number. Drop traps can be activated in the operations headquarters at your facility or by remote code. Each trench should be dug at least 20 feet deep, with soft enough cushion that zombie individuals are not caused major injury by falling that distance.

Zombie infection rates are likely to increase before global containment teams bring incidence to a minimum or eliminate it altogether. The Zombie Defense Agency deeply appreciates your participation and commitment to fighting against this epidemic. For questions regarding this or any other ZDA brochure, please call your regional ZDA representative on the 911Z exchange.

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