The Freaking Binky Fairy

Avent pacifiers, two viewsSomeone suggested I tell Emile about the Binky Fairy as a way to get rid of the pacifiers he uses. So I started to weave this mythology to my 3-year-old, and of course he’s been asking questions. I usually plot out my stories and check that there are no gaps in logic etc., beforehand, not on the fly. Where does he take the binkies? (To BinkyLand) Why does he take them? (Because he thinks you don’t need it anymore.) What does he do with them? (He gives them to other children who are smaller and still need binkies.)

In reality, there’s a huge tear in Emile’s last binky standing, so Susanne and I are concerned about it choking him. (We are great parents, really.) I can’t give it to him, and Emile, with a full child’s complement of teeth now, burns through them in a couple of weeks. So I’d like this to be the last one! He doesn’t ask about them as much, and says he’s ready to not have them around anymore (except of course, when he’s TOTALLY NOT READY, DADDY).

Today I was putting him down for a nap when he asked for it. The ruined pacifier is on the kitchen island, about to head into the garbage bin. I said, “I don’t know where it is, maybe the Binky Fairy came already.”

“When did he come?”

“I don’t know.”

“I want to know. Is my binky gone? It helps me sleep, Daddy.”

*cue Bad Daddy music*

“I think it’s gone. I’ll talk to the Binky Fairy.”

At this news, Emile sits bolt upright in his toddler bed.

“You’ll talk to him? He’s here?”

“No…I mean, I’ll call him. On the telephone.”

“What’s his name?”

“Binky Fairy.” My lord with the questions!

“What’s his real name, Dad?”

I panicked. I wasn’t ready for another lie/layer to the story. I blanked. I said the first name that came to mind that wasn’t Emile or Lucas.

“Schmendrick.”

OMG, EVERETT, SCHMENDRICK? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF WRITER ARE YOU? SCHMENDRICK?

“I knew it,” said Emile, putting his head back on his pillow.

And that, people, is how I proclaimed that the Binky Fairy is really the hapless magician from The Last Unicorn.

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Categories: Family

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3 Comments on “The Freaking Binky Fairy”

  1. irishup
    December 29, 2014 at 2:41 pm #

    I read this earlier, but I keep giggling out loud when I think if it.

    • evmaroon
      January 1, 2015 at 6:37 pm #

      Excellent!

  2. Jak
    January 6, 2015 at 2:44 pm #

    Priceless!

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