I think I’d like to nominate two people, though: Julie V., the seventh grade “friend” who turned all my other friends against me, in the way only mean middle school girls can, and Mr. Payne, the ninth grade math teacher who discouraged me from continuing in his advanced class and told me that it was ok because “girls just aren’t as good at math.”

and who the hell locks a cat in a kitchen cabinet? I’d bite her too.

Banning abortion, banning same-sex marriage… let’s even go as far as pretending that banning these things will somehow make abortions stop being performed and turn every gay person straight… I can’t even think of anything in the Bible that guarantees heaven on earth. The best you can hope for is to get the lesser of two interminable torments (Heaven doesn’t sound much better than Hell to me, given who’s supposed to go up there) on Judgement Day. Correct me if I’m wrong and I’ll boot up my Kindle and look at whatever Bible verse you can throw at me. It’s a huge book, I can’t memorize it all.

The fact that the GOP candidates don’t just go right out and promise eternal salvation, while showing that they probably don’t really, really believe it (or that they know it would be such a blatant violation of the separation of Church and State that it might actually hurt them), also undermines their argument. It’s like a parent teaching their children to brush their teeth but neglecting to mention that the purpose is to avoid cavities.